You Might Be A Conservative If...
- You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people
were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
- You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic
minority here) friend."
- You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed
- You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
- You once broke loose at a party and removed your necktie.
- You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
- You've ever said "I can't wait to get into business school."
- You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch
it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
- You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western
- When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
- You think Birkenstok was a radical rock concert in 1969.
- You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever
attacks your home.
- You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of
racism in America.
- You've ever said, "Civil liberties, shmivil shmiberties."
- You've ever said, "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
- You spent MLKjr Day reading "The Bell Curve."
- You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax deductible.
- You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts "a bunch
- You think all artists are gay.
- You've ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a
trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to
- You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their
bootstraps when they didn't even have shoes.
- You confuse Lenin with Lennon.