Thoughts on Fall & Religion

It's so beautiful up here in Northampton; it's just starting to turn fall, the leaves are starting to pile up on the ground. I love that scrunching sound they make when you walk over them. The air's getting cold; I've taken to wearing a hat, since I have no hair to cover my ears anymore. My mother was right, I definitely need warm hats for this winter. My mother is almost always right, so this time is no big surprise. ;) I love riding my bike across campus and feeling the wind ruffle my peach fuzz hair. Every day I breathe deeply and look around and feel glad to be alive. It's a nice feeling. Looking at the stars at night and the stupid squirrels that don't run from my bike tires during the day, I feel like part of nature. I haven't felt that way in a while.

I need to spend more time sitting still. I'm always running around from one thing to the next, trying everything, doing everything, helping everyone... Sometimes I wonder if I'm scurrying to keep from thinking about myself, or if it's just my nature to be a hurrier.

Thoughts on religion: I don't think I'm cut out to be a religious person. I've studied Christianity for my whole life, and although I find some of its principles intellectually attractive, I've never had that in-the-gut feeling other Real Christians(tm) seem to have. They seem convinced that they subscribe to the One True Faith, and I just don't have that kind of faith. So I've given up on trying to believe in something I just don't feel, and I'm trying to explore other forms of religion. The problem is, I don't feel like I'm lacking by not having religion in my life. I feel perfectly fine. I think I just want the sense of community. So I'm going to some Pagan meetings to see how I like it. Went to an equinox ritual last night, which was pretty fun. It's very laid back, no stupid rules that you have to be serious and stuffy. We sang, danced, laughed, ate, and talked, and there was this great sense of everyone belonging without the pressure to conform to a certain set of beliefs. Paganism strikes me as cool because it incorporates the gods, goddesses, and beliefs of societies from the celts to the egyptians to the greeks to the sumerians. I love mythology and stories, so that aspect appeals to me. The whole connection with nature strikes me as cool. Me likes. ;)


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this page by sparky ( kumquat37@hotmail.com )
written 09/24/98