All summer I've been excited about college. I get to live away from home, learn all the neat stuff they didn't teach us in high school, meet really smart and interesting people, and generally have a good time. But now that the golden day approaches, I'm starting to get nervous and sappy. When I drive around, it's like I'm looking at Greenwich for the last time. I won't be driving anywhere for a really long time. I'm afraid I'll forget where things are, or that I'll lose touch with people I care about. Everything's going to change, and while that's usually a good thing, now I'm getting nervous. I'm no longer the go-everywhere-do-everything girl I used to be; I'm becoming sedentary. I'd rather stay at home and putter around than go somewhere completely foreign, where i know perhaps two people, and attempt to make friends.

Although maybe i'll stop getting hit on by guys and start getting hit on by girls. That would be refreshing.

Anyway, I'm starting to get that nervous-excited mixture in my stomach. It's wierd. I'm sure once I get up there I'll be fine. I've just got this bad mental picture of myself alone in my little room at night wishing I was somewhere familiar. *sigh* I'm sure I'll be fine. Or at least that if i keep saying that I'll convince myself.


And things are not helped by the fact that Dan's being a pain in my butt and getting all moody. Him throwing a little silent bad-mood vibe in my direction five times a day is not a good way to make me want to keep in touch. Not that I don't still think he's a great guy; I just wish we could stop this little bitch-bitch-bitch thing. It's a pain.

Hmm. Don't get the idea that I'm unhappy about college; I'm most certainly not. But I am nervous. Nervous but not regretful. That's not a bad thing. I guess a little nervousness is healthy. But regret sucks.

thoughts | brain | writings | sparkyville

written 09/01/98