I Corinthians 6:18

Ah, the quandary of the day. I haven't written anything in a while, but today things came to a head. I go to this Friday afternoon Bible study group with a few other girls, who're all very cool, really nice, normal people. Yes, I'm a Christian. Sort of. A very questioning Christian. Anyway, we were going over some pertinent pre-prom Bible passages - the whole "don't get drunk, don't have premarital sex" thing, y'know - and in one of the passages (I Corinthians 6:18, for those of you following along in your text) it says homosexuality is wrong. Now, if you're reading this you most likely know i'm bisexual and a strong believer in gay/bi rights, so this passage really got to me. Tracy, the woman who leads our Bible study, was telling us how if you've got homosexual urges you should be celibate. Hello! She's allowed to live a happy married life, just because she was born sexually attracted to the opposite sex (we're not getting into the nature vs. nurture debate right now, thanks), while my friend James, for instance, shouldn't get to experience the joy of being half of a happy couple (or 1/3 of a happy trio, or whatever) just because he's not sexually attracted to girls? Last time I checked, people couldn't choose their sexual orientation. No doubt some do, but why anyone would want to subject themselves to the evil effects of bigotry and homophobia around us is beyond me. I can't choose, anyway, or I'd make myself sexually attracted to someone "good" for me. Although I'm not sure if any relationship is normal or if anyone is particularly "good for me." So perhaps I want a more normal abnormality?

But I digress. So there I was at Tracy's being told my lifestyle is a sin. (Although they don't know that it's my lifestyle. Well, only Ali does, not the rest of 'em.) I was clenching my pen - and my jaw - quite tightly to keep myself from arguing the same old soggy argument I've had a dozen times over. I was way too tired and Tracy is way too set in her beliefs to have had anything good come of it. I'm getting sick of it, though - the whole "this is what's good for you, so saith the Lord" routine. There are some things I can learn from books, and some I can learn by watching others, but some things I have to experience for myself. Maybe I will end up having premarital sex, maybe I won't. I haven't so far because I haven't really wanted to, but that may change. And there's no way I'm going to tell my gay friends to be celibate while I go gallivanting off with my S.O. of the moment.

"Say no to your flesh," Tracy says. But frankly, after the whole "don't be gay, sparky" routine, I'm not in any mood to listen to her. My flesh speaks a whole lot more convincingly. I trust myself not to do anything rash - one of the rules I attempt to follow is "don't do anything you'll regret later." It works out ok. And if I don't follow it, what's the big deal? So I'll have some regrets. But right now I feel stuck between a rock and a sticky wicket.

we'll see, i guess.


thoughts | brain | sparkyville


this page by Sparky ( kumquat37@hotmail.com )
written 05/15/98.