Ponderings on the Word Love...

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I hate that Cardigans song that goes "love me, love me, say that you love me... pretend that you love me; I don't care 'bout anything but yoooooou..." ARGH! What a sick, twisted song! Call me foolish and stubborn, but there's no way I'd beg and grovel for someone to pretend they loved me. If I'm in love with someone, that's my own problem (well, not a problem, necessarily...) and I'll deal with it myself. But if someone says he or she loves me, it had better be the real deal or they get the boot. I know it hurts like heck and sometimes it takes a strong dose of willpower, but I know I'd never quite trust the person the same way, or love them as strongly, if I knew they were only with me because I'd begged and not of their own free will. Sure, I'll probably end up an idealistic old maid, but that's okay by me...

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I don't compromise or that I'm not willing to try and make a relationship work, but if you've lost that lovin' feeling, as the song goes, there's no way to force it to come back. I think it's emotionally much healthier to take a hot shower and get on with your life.

Love is a funky thing.

The word love is way overused; it's got too many meanings for different people, from "you're my bestest friend and i trust you so immensely that i'd cut off my arm and leg for you" to "i've got this weird but nice feeling in the pit of my stomach when i'm with you" to "i want to get you into bed." I use it in the range between the first two... usually the third goes unsaid when the emotional stability is there, and I don't need to say "I love you" to get my point across. No, I don't mean sex, you dumbass. There are other things to do in a bed... Anyway, I've had some unpleasant experiences with people misconstruing my friendly use of the word "love" as something more. So I've stopped using it unless it's for romantic feel-it-in-your-gut love. Well, I do still use it with my closest girl friends, since they never seem to misconstrue it in a romantic way. Hmmm...

I'm afraid of the word love.

There's also the fact that after uttering the word aloud, one has to deal with the sometimes-messy aftermath. I mean, what if the love is unrequited? Or even if it is requited, on the high school level there's the knowledge that it will eventually, inevitably, end. That's a pretty immovable block to any budding relationship... but it's easy to put that out of mind. After all, graduation seems like milennia away... unfortunately. I guess maybe I need someone to make me believe love isn't as dangerous as I think... I want love to be my friend again.

brain | writings | sparkyville

This wacky rant written by Sparky ( kumquat37@hotmail.com )
Written 01/19/98 por la noche.